at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
