You can't motorboat a personality
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
