So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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