Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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