He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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