The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
