I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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