you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
