So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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