i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
