Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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