I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize