He uses pillows to masturbate.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
