that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
