Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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