so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
