they need to just BURY HIM!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
