I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
