Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
