The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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