who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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