Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
