Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
