Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
