Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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