I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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