I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
