Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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