She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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