Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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