so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
third nipple confirmed
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
