I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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