btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
