I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand