i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
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you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.