Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you