I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I cockslap morals
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch