Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
