Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
