My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
