some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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