I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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