Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
