Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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