i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
