i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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