We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
