I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
