I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She bit a glass in half.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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