He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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