I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
