Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
