i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
