Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
