dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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