Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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