so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
