Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I touched a dick in church today
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
