so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
