I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
