uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
