who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Come on in and take your pants off
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