I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
