No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
