when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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