your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
