this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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