just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
