i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.