Texts From Last Night

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  (707): View more from California

  Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.

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  (707): Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping. http://tfl.nu/7pjn
  Replies (47) Good night (3609) Bad night (1370)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"

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  (301): My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock" http://tfl.nu/tlon
  Replies (53) Good night (9902) Bad night (1023)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.

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  (781): he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me. http://tfl.nu/iw9a
  Replies (19) Good night (1129) Bad night (3793)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days

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  (360): I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days http://tfl.nu/ngst
  Replies (21) Good night (10118) Bad night (1345)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.

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  (931): I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then. http://tfl.nu/2mcz
  Replies (28) Good night (6201) Bad night (4806)
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  (415): View more from California

  Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.

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  (415): Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself. http://tfl.nu/x6rs
  Replies (18) Good night (5570) Bad night (1065)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer

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  (615): This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer http://tfl.nu/0w8r
  Replies (6) Good night (1854) Bad night (858)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.

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  (+61): Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on. http://tfl.nu/q17g
  Replies (13) Good night (3544) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit

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  (845): Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit http://tfl.nu/mhw5
  Replies (9) Good night (2042) Bad night (564)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.

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  (614): I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together. http://tfl.nu/yozh
  Replies (6) Good night (1191) Bad night (814)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.

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  (412): I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing. http://tfl.nu/guzu
  Replies (11) Good night (597) Bad night (917)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.

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  (660): The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working. http://tfl.nu/zgl5
  Replies (5) Good night (1271) Bad night (697)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.

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  (406): You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock. http://tfl.nu/e7xz
  Replies (8) Good night (1027) Bad night (522)
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  (415): View more from California

  Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.

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  (415): Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often. http://tfl.nu/cpju
  Replies (4) Good night (952) Bad night (654)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.

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  (541): I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed. http://tfl.nu/wfli
  Replies (1) Good night (510) Bad night (223)

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